Not Goodbye…See you soon

Last night, I was privledged to watch a godly woman pass from the pains of this world into the arms of her Creator.  My grandmother, who has fought and suffered through these latter years, finally stopped fighting and allowed herself to experience perfect peace in Christ.  I couldn’t help looking over her last night, wondering what she was seeing and experiencing…what it feels like to actually see the things – the Person – we’ve only seen through faith in this life.  She was an incredible person and has left a great legacy behind that I will be able to share with my daughter and child to come. 

This loss has also left, however, a broken heart for a man who loved his wife for 67 years.  I watched my Granddad try to remain strong for his family, yet feel the overwhelming seperation from a woman whom he has loved for the majority of his years alive.  After the tears, the goodbyes, and the final hugs, my granddad begin to share with my brother and I wisdom about marriage, love, and priorities.  When someone who knows the trials, the joys, victories and losses of a 67 year marriage, you should listen when they speak of what’s important.  I want to share with you some of the things that he shared with us so that their marriage legacy can go beyond the Lawson family name, but maybe bless your marriage, or marriage to come, as well.

He began speaking of how their marriage started.  He was a Navy solider, leaving to go overseas to fight in WWII, she was at home taking care of their first child, who was less than a year old.  He spoke of how it pained him to step on the train and leave his family behind.  They never had a plan.  Each step felt like a step in the dark, but he said they never really had to know what the next step would bring.  He said they only knew two things:  “…our love for each other, and our love for God.”  Everything else just seemed to fit.  My grandparents never had a lot of anything.  They weren’t wealthy.  They didn’t own a big house, live in the best neighborhood, or own several cars, but they had love.  Love for God and the love they had for each other kept their marriage alive – but not JUST alive – fresh for 67 years.  A couple of weeks ago, when my grandmother was still speaking and responding, my granddad bent over and told her, “I love you.”  She responded playfully with, “I love you more.”  That’s what I’m talking about.  Give me some of that in my marriage, because I want to look at my wife after 67 years and say, “I love you more.”

As I experience the funeral proceedings this week, I’m glad to know that I will not have to question my grandmother’s eternity.  I’m glad to know that because of the investments she made into her own spiritual journey, and made into my father’s spiritual journey, I have been taught and chose Christ for myself, therefore I don’t have to question my eternity.  I am secure.  I’m also proud to be connected to a marriage that endured and enjoyed 67  years of love.  My greatest hope would be that my marriage would learn from the wisdom and example my grandparents set.  That I would love my wife, and love God.  I’m thankful for my grandmother, for the memories, and for the legacy.  This is not a goodbye…I’ll see you soon.

what’s most important

I have finally found a little bit of quiet from this day as I sit outside on the deck.  There is a strange serenity to our backyard at night; a huge transition from the activities that happen during the day.  It seemed fitting, earlier, to end this day alone and enjoy some “me” time outdoors.  Little did I know that my “me” time would soon turn into “us” time as my wife and daughter would join me on the deck to sit around the fire burning in the chimneria.  The quiet place that I was pursuing quickly turned into conversation and squeals as my daughter watched the fire pop sparks into the night sky.  My need for “me” time faded as I watched the fire-light dance against my wife’s face.  I know that I am truly blessed.  It seems sometimes that schedules and situations can drown life away as we go through the routines of everyday life, but for me, God has given me a refuge in my family.  Just being around my daughter, feeling her tiny hugs, hearing her say “I love you daddy,” brings life, schedules, situations, all into perspective.  There’s nothing more important than the time we make available for God and family.  I am a better man today because of God’s grace and the love I experience everyday from my wife and daugther.   Father, thank you for the gift of family and for the life-giving love they give me everyday.  I am blessed beyond measure!

Rafting the Water of White

This past weekend, I was able to take a group of High School students white-water rafting on the Nolichucky River in TN.  I enjoy rafting, but probably not for the same reasons as everyone else.  I don’t raft for the thrill.  It’s been a while since the upcoming rapid caused my heart to pound with adrenaline.  I guess maybe the smaller rivers of the East Coast have mellowed-out for me.  After you’ve done the Gauley River in WV, everything else just feels small and indifferent.  For me, I love the color in the mountainside.  I love the sheer cliffs of the gourges and the sights of wildlife in their element – seemingly unaware that people are floating by.  So, this past weekend, I did more watching than I did paddling.  Sure, I enjoyed experiencing the class IV rapids, but I found much more enjoyment from watching what was happening around me. 

This year, I was able to raft with the guys who had little-to-no experience in navigating the river.  For them, the class IV rapids held that sense of awe and fear that, for me, has long passed.  I watched their facial expressions as we neared the front edge of the rapids.  You could see the uncertainty and “can-we-go-back-now” gleam from their eyes, yet there was a drive deep within them pushing them forward, causing them to pound the water with their paddles with fervency.  As the boat cleared the bottom of the rapids, the valley erupted with victory hoots and excited screams.  They were hooked and are now looking for class V’s. 

It’s sad to say, but many of us have found that our spiritual journey’s hold no excitement for us anymore.  We can only cling to memories of when our adrenaline would pump as we experienced life in Christ.  The discovery of Scripture and community with other Believers – even the drive in our prayer life that caused us to stay on our knees – has faded as we have moved on to the “bigger and busier” things of life.   There’s danger, though,  in losing respect for something so powerful.  Even the smaller, less advanced rivers require respect from those who raft them.  Likewise, when we lose respect for the upkeep and disciplines of our spiritual life, we replace that which was designed to give us life for things that will only leave us wanting.   David wrote of this in Psalm 51:12, “Restore to me the joy of Your salvation and sustain me with a willing spirit.”  Some of us need to run back to He who first put the excitement, fear, joy, etc. in our daily walk and find real life in His salvation.  Our conversion was not meant to be a one-time moment and then the joy fades, but rather a live-giving journey in which Christ reveal Himself to us daily.  Jesus’ prayer for us is that we would know the Father as He knows the Father. (John 17:3)  So, are you looking at life’s rapids through the same eyes you did when you first believed or have you left the path to pursue something else?  You know, I’ve rafted these waters before, but by watching those who were experiencing it for the first time, I found some passion reborn.  Lord, restore unto me the joy of Your salvation.

the faith found in persistence

In Luke 18:1-8, Jesus gives us the parable of the Persistent Widow.  This passage is not new for me, nor have I discovered anything necessarily “fresh” about it, other than a new blatant reality that we need to be praying persistently and insistently before Almighty God.

The reality hit me close to two weeks ago when friends of mine found out that their 5 year old daughter has an aggressive brain tumor.  The effect that the news has had on people around the world, myself included, can only be explained as a work of the Holy Spirit.  I would never claim to be a prayer warrior, because honestly, prayer is an area that has always required extra effort for me.  But the discovery of her brain tumor has caused me to find myself on my knees more frequently and more passionately than ever before.  For this, I am thankful and saddened at the same time.  I am thankful that I am entering into uncharted areas of my relationship with God.   I am experiencing a new level of faith and intimacy that I had only hoped for.  Yet, I am saddened that it has taken an injustice in the life of a 5 year old to move me forward. 

Here are the things that I have found in my recent study of the first 8 verses of Luke 18.  First, the text in my Bible is red, which means that Jesus is speaking this parable, therefore, we need to listen.  He is trying to convey something that we need to understand so that we can pray more effectively. Second, this widow is persistent, not only in her request, but in her desire.  So many times, I see people come to God with big requests on their heart, yet when the results are not instantaneous, they give up.  Could it be possible that God was robbed of an opportunity to bring Himself glory because our desire, and ultimately our faith, was short lived?  Our persistence in our desire and in our prayers is the evidence that hope is alive – our faith is alive.  Third, the widow was insistent.  She knew that there was an injustice in her life and she didn’t approach the judge with a question, but rather a statement:  “Give me justice against my advesary.”   It’s a hard thought to think of coming to God with a statement rather than a question, but yet Jesus asked in verse 8, “when the Son of Man comes, will He find that faith on earth?”  It can be said, then, that faith is speaking to God what He has already promised, which is:  “Will not God grant justice to His elect who cry out to Him day and night?  Will He delay to help them?  I tell you that He will swiftly grant them justice.” (Luke 18:7-8)  And then lastly, there is a result of justice on the behalf of the widow.  Her persistence has paid off and she will leave the courtroom that day with her desire fulfilled. 

So, we can take from this that our faith is evident in our persistence to pray, believe, insist, desire, hope, etc.  And without faith, it is impossible to please God – Heb.11:6.  God desires for us to continue and grow in our faith, even more so than we desire for ourselves.  So, my urge to you is this – Don’t give up!  God’s justice for yourself or someone else may right around the corner, so keep believing, keep hoping, keep insisting the promises of God!  “I tell you, He will swiftly grant them justice” – Luke 18:8.

For more info on the McRae and Kate’s progress, check out www.prayforkate.com.

where have I been?

I realize that I have not blogged in several months and I give my apologies to all of my dedicated readers.  (which should total around the 0 mark)  I have been pretty cautious about putting my thoughts out there, as of late, because God has been very revealing to me, about me, over the past few months.  I am thankful for His rebuke – because I want to be better tomorrow than I am today – but man, those revelations can be rough. 

I am excited to be back, though, because God is doing a new thing – in my heart…in my family…at Reavis/Crossover.  I look forward to sharing with you my passion for the days ahead.  It’s new ground for me and I’m ready to grow.  I am certain of this, God is growing me today for greatness.  I don’t mean that in arrogance, but I am picking back up the dream that God gave me years ago and I am pursuing what He desires to do in me and through me.  Whether it is through risk or seasons of peace, I am confident that God is with me.

pretty excited…

I’m not going to lie…I love Christmas.  I love the lights, the trees, the cold, the joy, the giving, the receiving (said I wasn’t going to lie)…it’s just a fun time of year – especially with a child. 

I look forward to our new traditions that Heather and I started almost 6 years ago.  The prayer and worship in the morning before we start opening gifts is special.  I’m excited about the music in the background and the anticipation of the whole day.  It’s great.

I am so excited to watch my daughter open her presents this year.  She’s almost 2 years old and will have better grasp this year than last on what’s happening.  She’s already excited about seeing her “ernie bert” wrapping paper under the tree.  She is going to have a blast being able to rip the paper off her presents and seeing her gifts.  It was fun shopping for her this year.  I’m also excited about watching Heather open her gifts.  2008 was a tough year for her, but she handled it like a champ.  It’s not easy being married to a minister or the ministry – much less being married to Jonathan Lawson.  I tried my best to not just give surface level gifts, but really give her something from my heart.  I could not imagine a better partner and friend for me in life.  She is my queen and I’m excited about watching her open her gifts as well.  It’s going to be fun!

this hit me hard

I read this article today that gave some hard core stats of happenings around the globe during a 1 hour time frame. While we enjoy an hour break during our tough day at work, others around the world are truly suffering. This is not a guilt trip – I thank God for His blessings and His soverign wisdom, but I do think we need to be aware of who are as Believers and the worldwide task at hand. You and I can do something about this…maybe we can go and serve…maybe we pray and believe…but we need to “do” something. God’s love reaches so much further than our church buildings and our personal lives. I know we’ve heard that before, but how many churches are realistically reaching beyond their parking lots. We are so blessed and there is a need for us to cross the street or the globe to win hearts in His name. God, open our eyes to see the needs around us and the needs around the world.

During a 60-minute time frame, here’s what took place around the globe:

2,738 people died from starvation
342 people died from malaria
76 mothers died from childbirth issues
9,582 babies died from induced abortion
8,898 infants and children were abandoned
4,650 rural poor people migrated to cities

$2,088,751,996 personal income was earned by church members
$2,737,851 was given to global foreign mission (about 0.01 % of church members’ income)
$2,966,005 was embezzled by trusted church leaders (nearly $250k more than was given to foreign missions)

20 Christians were martyred

I think it’s time we(Followers of Christ) started reclaiming our message and showing the world that God is love. Just think of what 1 hour would look like if Jesus was made King of our lives, finances, dreams, hopes, passions….

pondering at 1am

I had one of those nights last night where I couldn’t sleep.  I wasn’t excited or stressed or anything…I just wasn’t tired.  Usually these nights will result in a couple of movies and a headache in the morning, but last night around 1a.m. I turned on Hillsong tv.  As I watched these guys engage in their gifts, I could feel my heart connecting with the moment and with God.  You see, I have a dream – not a dream in the sense of a wish or even a hope – but something that God has placed in me and to be honest, I haven’t thought about it for a while.  It’s not that I don’t believe in this dream, it’s just that sometimes it gets hidden under life and ministry and more life.  Last night at 1a.m., God reminded me of what He has been and is preparing me for.  I do believe and I’m excited – no I’m more than excited for what He’s doing in my life and I believe Him to do it.  I just thought I’d tell someone about it.  Ps. 37:4-5

just when I had it figured out…

I would like to think of myself as an avid hunter – that doesn’t necessarily mean that I’m good at it, but I am avid about being in the field.  I went on my first hunt five years ago and went home that day with a deer in the back of the truck.  I have been hooked on deer hunting ever since.  After that first deer, I was convinced that I needed a full hunting makeover, complete with new guns, new boots, new camo – new everything.  The total amount of money that I have spent on this sport is gross, I’m sure – but, like I said, I like to think of myself as avid.  Now, hunting has not been all guns and fun.  It has served several purposes in my life, even divine purposes.  There was a season in my life that can only be described as hell and the woods was one place that I could find quiet and God’s healing in my heart.  Hunting was also the only thing that has been able to build a relationship between Heather’s dad and myself. 

Speaking of Heather’s dad..

We have been hunting together several times over the years and it really has built a bridge for us to develop a friendship…until now.  As you already know, I am an avid hunter – complete with all the camo necessary for any hunting situation.  Dave, Heather’s dad, hunts in jeans and a coat.  As we climb out of the truck in the early morning, he laughs and me and I laugh at him – each of us thinking the other looks ridiculous for hunting.  I received a call this past Wednesday from Dave wanting me to come by their house and look at his deer he had killed.  Of course, I’m thinking it had to be small – no respectable deer, much less a trophy buck, would be shot by a hunter wearing jeans!  As I arrived at Dave’s house, I could see the antlers reaching towards the sky from the back of the truck.  I had never seen a deer this size in person.  I looked at Dave, who was smiling this big, almost cocky grin.  Of course, he was wearing his jeans. 

You know, it should’ve been my deer.  I have the camo.  I have the guns.  I spent the money.  I had read the magazines.  I had it all figured out…but it wasn’t my deer.  This monster had been shot by a pair of jeans.  I stepped back into ministry several months ago after a short hiatus and found out that everything I thought I knew had changed.  I was so sure that I knew how to “do” ministry – I had it figured out.  I had done it before.  I had read the magazines, books, listened to sermons, bought the new clothes – but then I realized that no one cared.  They didn’t need another magazine or trendy tshirt.  People are starving for authenticity and simplicity.  Students don’t want to be pampered, they want to get dirty.  They don’t want to hear another message (that was probably stolen from someone else’s book), they want to be the message to others in need. 

So, I guess what I’m trying to say is that I’m guilty of “having it all figured out,” only to find that all I needed was a pair of jeans…spiritually speaking.  God, keep me authentic by providing those unquenchable cravings for Your Word and Your presence.  Keep me humble by showing me Your wisdom and the simplicity and effectivness of a pair of jeans.  Protect me from having a Pharisee’s heart and continually show me the heart of the beggar who finds himself on the altar.  I will follow You.

catching up with the rest of the world

So, here I am, trying to catch up with the rest of the world.  It seems that everyone has a blog these days and they feel it necessary to put their opinon out there for everyone to see, so I figure – why not?  If you are one of the unlucky ones to stumble upon my blog, I can only promise you one thing….this will be an absolute waste of your time.  Most of my writings will be birthed from times I’ve had while hunting or watching tv or eating.  You will only see a few things in here that you’ll believe took the effort of study, but to tell the truth, they are just accidents.  This is just my attempt…to catch up with the rest of you.